Changing Diapers

Since my "official" title here in Switzerland is "Hausfrau" (really, it's on my paperwork!), I thought I'd comment on that ever so fun task of changing stinky diapers.

First of all, I'd like to express my love and appreciation to the designers, scientists, engineers (diaper engineer, if there is such a thing), and marketers who created the modern disposable diaper.

Ahem.

Now, in one of those child rearing books (I won't say which one, but I expect that any of you who have gone through childbirth and rearing of small children will have read at least part of these series) it gives very serious diaper changing advice: Do not criticize or indicate in any way that your child's output is stinky. Why? It will damage the poor little darling's self esteem! And we wouldn't want that, would we?

I found that to be one of the most laughable pieces of advice in the whole series. (And keep in mind, this same series informed me that for a treat, while pregnant, I can have some yogurt! Um, how about an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey instead? Note, I am not now pregnant, but when I was pregnant, no way was I following that advice.) I think about it when I'm changing my toddler's diaper. "Come here Mr. Stink pants," I say. Or, perhaps, "Where's my little stink butt?" And we all giggle and laugh at Mr. Stinky's exceptionally foul pants, because he has special skills and abilities in that area.

And, so as I was laughing about the ludicrousness of trying to convince my brilliant baby that his poo smells like flowers, in order not to damage his self esteem, I was reminded of a statement by Alison at Ask a Manager regarding firing bad employees. (It's in the comments, by the way, so scroll down.)

I fire them! I consider it part of the benefits package for other employees not to have to work with asses. Am I the only one?

Because you see, bad employees are similar to Mr. Stinky Pants. Everybody around him knows just how bad he stinks, but for some reason rather than saying, "Come here, Mr. Stinky!" (Okay, that would get you fired, but you see where I'm going with this), we try to pretend that it smells like flowers.

The problem is that saying it smells like flowers doesn't make it smell like flowers, but it can convince the stinker that his "output" is just fine, stink and all. But, what have you gained by convincing your baby that his poo is special and wonderful and should be shared with the world? Nothing. Your good employees aren't so dumb as to believe it and who wants to hang around a diaper pail? Not me, and not your other good employees.

If it stinks, it needs to be changed, not called something different. If it can't be changed, the whole thing needs to go.

Good thing we have disposable diapers, or Mr. Stinky's stay in our family would have been short lived.