You Just Don't Understand

My job involves ten and a half months of working 9-5 and six weeks of working 8-8 and occasional weekends due to government department deadlines

Apart from my co-worker, J, who works 9-5 throughout, because she has kids.

I have brought this up with my boss since we all have the same client allocations and I do not feel that I should be working unpaid overtime in order to help cover J's list, simply because J has kids and does not want to make arrangements for their care after work - her family all live in the area and there is no shortage of after-school clubs etc.

Furthermore, this is of particular concern to me since I have a chronic pain disorder and need to rest - obviously it is impossible for me to make arrangements to leave my pain elsewhere!

My boss tells me that 'well, J has kids, it's difficult. You don't understand'. I pointed out while I don't have kids, the 4 hours per day of overtime - which need not be so lengthy if she were doing it too - is wearing me out and making me ill.

I was told to 'Stop whining'. I am retyping my CV.

Kids are difficult and you just don't understand. Us working mothers should be paid triple what everyone else makes, plus only have to work 9 to 5 and we get to leave early if one of the little darlings has a school performance (in fact, those are so painful that we should be paid overtime to attend those performances). Ohh, plus, we should get 10 sick days for us, and 10 additional sick days for each child. Because it's HARD being a working mom.

Please write again when you have a real problem.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Of course, right now I'm basking in the freedom of maternity leave and writing this post when I should be painting my front door. (Did you know that you should paint your front door and frame every few years? Me neither. Turns out that if you don't, and you live where I live, your frame will start to rot and you'll have to spend $1300 to get a new frame installed. Trust me, I know on this one.)

But, it is hard to hold down a full time job and manage children. And it is true that until you've done it, you don't understand. But, really, that's not your problem.

I'm all for flexibility for anyone who wants it. But, flexibility should come at a cost--to the person getting the flexibility, not to the rest of her department. A manager should be clear in the hiring process that this job entails 6 weeks per year of intense unpaid overtime. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't take the job.

Now, for all you know, when "J" was hired they struck this deal where she would always be able to leave at 5:00, even during the busy season. She may have negotiated a lower salary in exchange for this. Your manager certainly shouldn't be discussing her salary arrangements with you.

But, even so, your manager needs to realize that granting one employee flexibility should not mean dumping work on another employee without adequately compensating that employee.

You've explained your concerns to your boss. You have been told to stop whining. You are working on your resume. Excellent. I would try one more time with the boss. And leave J out of it. You don't know what she's negotiated. You don't know if her family is willing to take the kids. And, you don't know if she has the money for the after school programs. And she might well have all those things available to her, but she doesn't want to do it for whatever reason. That doesn't matter to you.

What matters to you is your job. So, have the conversation with your boss over your responsibilities.

Is there another solution that would work? Can J's clients be spread over 3 or 4 people? Is there something that can be done to streamline the work? Can you get a raise?

The important thing when discussing inequities at work is to leave out any mention of slacker co-workers. They are not your problem. Your problem is your workload. Your manager is not managing well, so you'll have to help him balance your workload out. J and her childcare arrangements should not enter into the conversation. If the boss brings it up, don't go there. Just keep talking about your workload.

And yes, looking for a new job seems like a good idea.